Thankfully days like yesterday are, or were up until then, foreign to me for the most part. Sure there are days that are better than others, but on average they all stay above the bar of acceptable. Until yesterday, my definition of a bad day was a day a didn’t get better, just hitting the same marks as last week or last month, was in itself something of a defeat. Clearly I have a bit of a skewed sense, I’m fortunate in one sense that my “training age” is still relatively young, only seriously training for about 18 months. In another light, the misfortune of my experience is that I haven’t seen the full spectrum, I don’t know what it is to recover from serious injury, or even extended time off, I don’t know the feeling of a long slow slip backwards. For the most part, my adventure has been one of forward momentum, learning and improving almost daily. If you haven’t caught on yet, yesterday has redefined my concept of a bad session.
And then I read this article this morning, entitled “Patience and Belief.” It’s a bit long for a fitness article but it’s truly helped me see the forest through the trees. That and a comment my uncle of all people left on my facebook page – “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. Hope you have a nice dance.” I’ve had quite the dance today!
@StrongGrizzly Well, you know it could have just been a bad day. Drink two beers and watch family guy.
— Chris Moore (@BarbellBuddha) July 16, 2013
And of course I’d be lost without the tutelage of Barbell Buddha himself.
Airdyne 30:30 (work:rest) x 14 sets, record calories per set
13, 15, 14, 14, 14, 13, 13, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 15
Snatch 60%, 70%, 80%, 85%, 90%, 95%, 85%, 90%
120, 140, 160, 170, 180, miss, miss, miss
2 Clean + 1 Jerk 60%, 70%, 80% x 2 sets
165, 190, 215
Back Squat 4RM; 4 x 4 @ 90% of 4RM
325; 295 (1 set) DNF
5 Single Leg Deck Squats/leg 10 deck squats
5 KB Snatches/arm (53#)
rest 5 min
Accumulate 4 min Bent Hollow Body Hold
2:00 on; 1:00 off; 2:00 on
Yesterday was going to be a long day even by my own rigorous standards, the Airdyne work jumped another 2 sets again, and the weightlifting percentages creep ever closer to my newly minted 200# snatch. I thought the same thing last week, and last week I had a great day; why would this day be any different? Well I must’ve crossed a tipping point, because I really fell apart. The snatching was going pretty well, working to 185 with a single miss at 165. I missed all three attempts I allowed myself at 195, dropped down to 145 and hit 3 singles there, tried to work back to 165 to hit my closing singles at 170 and 180 – and couldn’t even stick 165. “Shake it off” I told myself.
I moved onto cleans, which felt okay until 215, I really struggled to stand up that 2nd rep at 215…at this point my over active brain was already telling me I was in for a tough one. Finishing the cleans I moved onto squatting, last week I hit 340 for my 4RM – a good day even by my accounts; I had ambitious hopes of crossing the 350 mark; thus making my 90% drop sets a full 315 (3 wheels). That is until I tried to hit 295×4 ramping up, it wasn’t pretty. My legs just simply weren’t there, the effort and drive were there but the weight didn’t move. Give you three guesses how 325 went… That was a jarring wake up call…somewhere along the line the wheels just fell off. Trying to do drop sets was a struggle as well, 295 wasn’t happening, I even dropped down to 225 just to see if I could get my legs to come back… they didn’t.
At this point my will was broken. My day was in the gutter. There’s a point where the mind simply shatters as it accepts the truth presented to it, for me that happened when I couldn’t do my 2nd drop set at 295…I just couldn’t, and I struggled to even comprehend it. If I’m anything I’m compliant, I setup to do the conditioning, somehow Mike thinks I can do rolling pistols…I’m not sure why. I can’t. Which is strange – individualized programming isn’t where you’d expect to see something you just can’t do. I subbed for double the number in rolling squats. At this point though it was all really just lip service to the Crossfit deities as my concept of 100% for the day was simply just to finish.
I’m embarrassed to say – I did not walk out of the gym yesterday with my head up. For the first time in a long time I’m questioning not only my resolve, but the choices I’ve made, the sacrifices that somehow should entitle me to success. Somewhere in this process of self loathing – that article popped up, and fixed me. Not really – I still feel like shit. But I’ve accepted that feeling like shit is part of the journey – everyone has days they feel like shit, and with some patience and resolve – reinvesting rather than second guessing – I’ll come out ahead, maybe not soon, but eventually.
Oh yeah – and I made this on Sunday – Enjoy.