Hold on Loosely
It’s weird to title my post after a 1981 more or less love song, but the idea fits, so I’m gonna go with it. What I’m trying to capture here is that trying to control things that you can’t, will only end in frustration. It’s a bit Sophoclean, attempting to avoid your fate, inevitably causes it. There are things we want for ourselves so badly, that we lose sight of the truth. The more you attempt to control something, the harder it actually becomes to attain. For awhile you can trick yourself, you track nutrition, your write down programming, you see results, you tell yourself you’ve got something handled, grasped. Then you have a bad day, and you realize, the only thing you can really control are the inputs, your desire, your motivation, your effort; these are the things that get you somewhere. This is what you have to offer. Barbells don’t feel lighter because you hit your macros that day, runs don’t get faster because your chart says they should; these things happen when your effort and consistency are there. When you give up on trying to control the outcomes, and focus on controlling the inputs, give yourself to something.
The best part of this way of thinking is that it applies so broadly. I can’t control what questions will come up on a problem set or test, I can’t control how other people will treat me, or what relationships I might form. What I can control is my own input, I can put in the work, and know that whatever questions do come up, I’m as equipped as possible to answer them. I can pour myself into relationships that matter, and people I care about, and know that if they fail, it wasn’t because I held anything back. That’s really what we want at the end of the day, when we finish something, we want to know that whatever the outcome was, that you left it all on the table. To be clear, this last week brought me to my knees in some respects, I was trying to hold on too tightly, to many things not just Crossfit, but its a fitting metaphor. Here’s hoping I can embrace something new, and grow as a person and an athlete. That’s the importance of getting your ass kicked, and bad days.
D. 3 Hang Power Cleans on the minute for 10 minutes @ 225#
rest 3 minutes
*goal is to have each integral be tough, but the last one aim for a PR time
D. Thrusters @ 205# – 245#: 1 rep every minute on the minute for 12 minutes
1:05:00 at HR 135-150 bpm
For time, 15-12-9:
Muscle-ups 8-4-3; 4-3-5; 4-3-1-1
Parallette Handstand Push-ups @ 9″ Deficit
99 Power Clean (135)
Partner Helen Relay
150 Thrusters (95)
4 Mile Run
So I mentioned that this week brought me to my knees, but it really kind of just fell apart towards the end, but let’s start from the beginning. End of last week I was finally starting to feel adjusted to this new volume, I felt like my diet was in a good spot, finally getting enough calories, recovery and sleep were good as well (here’s where the control thing started to come in). Then the week started, training and school both started to compound. Tuesday was a particularly rough day, as the coaching notes said to go for a PR and I was no where close. Those around me told me it was a coaching tool to make sure athletes went “all out,” but I felt that was disingenuous as a coach, if you don’t trust me to go “all out” when you say so, then why program for me at all? Regardless, that was a frustrating effort. I’ve never added an endurance session in the middle of the week, or at all really, traditionally these have been shorter more intense sessions, and never under this volume. For some reason though I was still surprised when I showed up Friday morning to train and my legs didn’t want to jerk 275, even though last week I’d jerked 295 and 315 the week before. Funny how that works…accumulated volume or something. As my PT put it, it’s still an hour of work you’re not used to doing. Friday continued down hill as I attempted to tackle a deficit HSPU workout. In my head I was going to be way better at those than I was, they destroyed me, like fundamentally broke me. Saturday brought the opportunity to compete in a fun, low pressure atmosphere and I leapt at it. I haven’t been back in the gym since.
At least I’m still eating well!